I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I smell like Dick and happiness
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
