Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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