I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
