was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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