I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
