Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
