I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
