So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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