I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
