Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
