I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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