There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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