you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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