ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
