you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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