Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
