You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
