i used baking grease as lip gloss
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
