I'm really into asian looking animals
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my being single is dangerous.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
