just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
whose parrot is this?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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