who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
