Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
