WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
