The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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