i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
These tits shall not be calmed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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