He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
