She's JV to your varsity
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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