I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
