i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
