let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
