so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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