this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
