My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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