a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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