remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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