hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
