just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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