dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
