So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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