problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
