Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
