I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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