i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
