i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
