dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
