Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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