It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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