It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
