Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
