She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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