So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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